theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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