How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
