We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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