I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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