So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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