Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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