Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
