Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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