A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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