you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
