We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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