I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
