the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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