I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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