Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
