I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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