Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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