You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
