my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
