Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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