True but thats because hes a fetus.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
