Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
