In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
