He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
