we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
