Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
