What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
