Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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