i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
