You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
