i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found a bag of teeth...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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