I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
