Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
