he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
