I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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