you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
