You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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