now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
