Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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