went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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