Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
