Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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