I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
