Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
