The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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