I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
