i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
