We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
