I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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