That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
