Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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