So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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