in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
