I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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