We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
