the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
