Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
