STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
