I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
