You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
