I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
