it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think my vagina is haunted
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
