i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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