Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
