i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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