I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
