Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
