if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
