I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
