This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
