anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
