I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
