we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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