there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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