Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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