i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
