Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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