You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
